Ennui and Angst

As the few who read this could probably tell, I've been a bit silent lately.

Ennui and angst. They are my constant companions these days. Along with failure. I don't write. Or knit. Or...anything. But I work.

I've tried poetry. That used to help.

i'm tired

of the fight
for what's right
to see light

Words on a page. No relief. All I can do is go to work.

We're living with my sister-in-law. I failed at supporting my family. I should have worked more.

We're grieving, still, over the loss of my girlfriend's best friend and a good friend to me, too. I failed to see the signs. I should have looked closer.

The friend that was going to help when our life started crashing down around us, turned on us. I failed to remember that connections with people only hurt. I should have remembered the lessons I learned in foster care.

No matter what or how hard we try, nothing seems to be helping get us up on our feet.

I don't know if I will keep this here or not. I don't think I need to be spreading this around.