Thursday, January 20
Does anyone have a clue what I did today?
Here's a clue...I have to show up on time.
Did you get it?
Well, then. Another clue...I get paid for it.
Still didn't get it?
Okay, the kicker...I have to follow the rules my bosses make when I am doing it.
I wipe asses every day. 10+ days out of 14, they include more than just my own. I am a CNA. (Certifiably Nuerotic Asswiper) It is my job to take care of your family when you cannot or will not. I am proud of this. I make a difference. But, when we get a trainee at work, I cringe.
Today was the perfect example of why I quake when it says "orientate" next to my name on the daily roster. Generally, the new aide is just out of class. (Yes, you have to take a class and pass a state test to wipe asses.) What do people think that they are going to do when the sign up for a CNA class? Perform brain surgery? Stay clean? I don't think so.
Today, I told my trainee to grab some TP and go at it. She looked at me like I was speaking some dead language. She had the balls to actually say "We didn't learn how to do this in class." Now, I thought we all learned how to do this around age 2 or 3. Nice person that I am, I spent five minutes explaining the process. "I'm just training, why don't you show me how?" came popping right out of her mouth. Why me? Why must I be punished so harshly? So, five minute explanation again. "So, you just wipe, no special stuff?" she says. My response, "What is so very hard about wiping an ass? Don't you do it at least once everyday?" Her response, "No. This is my first day working as a CNA."
Someone please help me. Pretty. Pretty. Please. Oh, yeah. This is after a nurse yelled at me for washing my hair at work. The nurse was even in the room when a resident projectile-vomitted in my hair as I was helping the resident transfer. What was I supposed to do? Put some rollers in and see if I had found a new way to perm hair?