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Basset Hound: Three years old. Well-behaved. Only chews up notecards that are in order, ready to start writing from. Likes to visit the local nursing homes for her extra petting requirements. Thinks a 65 pound dog is a lap dog.

Miniature dachshund: One year old. Will want to stay outside for hours. Will want to pee on your freshly mopped floors as soon as she has come in. Wakes up the master of the house with her cold, wet nose. On. The. Back. Of. Your. Neck.