Ennui and Angst

As the few who read this could probably tell, I've been a bit silent lately.

Ennui and angst. They are my constant companions these days. Along with failure. I don't write. Or knit. Or...anything. But I work.

I've tried poetry. That used to help.

i'm tired

of the fight
for what's right
to see light

Words on a page. No relief. All I can do is go to work.

We're living with my sister-in-law. I failed at supporting my family. I should have worked more.

We're grieving, still, over the loss of my girlfriend's best friend and a good friend to me, too. I failed to see the signs. I should have looked closer.

The friend that was going to help when our life started crashing down around us, turned on us. I failed to remember that connections with people only hurt. I should have remembered the lessons I learned in foster care.

No matter what or how hard we try, nothing seems to be helping get us up on our feet.

I don't know if I will keep this here or not. I don't think I need to be spreading this around.

GTO vs. Moped

A young man goes out and buys the best car on the
market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most
expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000.

He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old,
pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the
sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got
there sonny?"

The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It costs half a
million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does
it cost so much?"

"Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!"
states the young dude proudly.

The Moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?"

"No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes
his head in the window and looks around.

Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says,
"That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick
with my Moped!! "

Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to
show the old man just what his car can do. He floors
it, and within 30 seconds, the speedometer reads 160
mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror. It
seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what
it could be and suddenly WHHHOOOOOOSSSSSHHH! Something
whips by him going much faster!

"What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari?"
the young man asks himself.

He floors the accelerator and takes the Ferrari up to
250 mph. Then, up ahead of him, he sees that it's the
old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives
it more gas and passes the moped at 275 mph.
WHOOOOOOOSHHHHH!

He's feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror
and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy, he floors the
gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320
mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down
on him again! The Ferrari is flat out, and there's
nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows into the back of his
Ferrari, demolishing the rear end. The young man stops
and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still
alive. He runs up to the mangled old man and says, "Oh
My God! Is there anything I can do for you?"

The old man whispers...

"Unhook...my...suspenders...from...your...side-view......mirror''.