Starting Fresh

Next item on the plate. Learning how to turn brainstorm into outline before starting to write.

Back Burner

Halfway Point. That should be a good thing. Right? Not always. Megan hit 50,302 words today. And, I realized a few things.

• I still want to write this.

Amazing that. 'Specially since this started the whole me writing for more than fun hullaballoo.

• This is going to sprawl over 100k.

Two-thirds of my outline still is not written.

• I'm not polished enough to write this. Yet.

Blocks really aren't the problem. I can just see it better than I can currently write it. This is way to cool to flub up. I honestly believe that I will ruin it by faking finesse that I haven't gained. The pretty paint will just cover up the beautiful grain of the wood.

I won't give up. But, I will slow down and start on another idea that has been surfacing lately. Maybe, I can find my words instead of the mimicing that's been going on around here.

Pegged Me

Sometimes quizzes are too accurate. I took the Destiny Quiz from Tickle.com.

Heather, your destiny is to be a Provider

Whether you know it or not, this is the role that is most in tune with who you are at your core. As a Provider, you have a genuine nurturing concern for the welfare of others and you're eager to serve them. You can recognize exactly what people need and your friendly, helpful, social nature makes them feel comforted. With your kind and generous heart, you are personable, talkative, and outward with your emotions, and your openness and sensitivity makes you concerned about the way others view you. Along these lines, be careful not to blame yourself when things go wrong. You cannot prevent bad things from happening, even though your tendency to be orderly with a strong sense of right and wrong may lead you to believe you can. Accept that you do what you can to take care of things and that this will get you far in the world.

Almost...

Fell off the face of the earth. Peed my pants laughing so hard. Deleted my whole WIP.

I've been hiding out to get some peace and quiet. Maps are definitely NOT my forte. Now, I have to research military type buildings. All mine are coming out more like my dream home. Back to the drawing board. (Yes, I am too full of worn out cliches tonight.)

All new administrators at work mean lots of misunderstandings. Today had to be the best. They sent out the word that state surveyors were in the building. Result: Everyone kicked it into high gear. The real story was that the local hospice came to see their patients.

By the way, did I mention that maps were frustrating me?

Fun With Maps

This is getting worse than being covered in honey around a bee-hive. (Yes, that was lame.)

Just for fun, I read my WIP from start to current point. Guess what I realized? I need to make a map of some buildings. I've found that the same door is mysteriously opening to different rooms.

On a better note, I've gotten fully away from the YA aspect of the novel. It kept appearing and I don't want it. It doesn't fit with the last half of my plan. (Insert evil laugh here) Can't have a steaming torid affair in a YA novel.

In good book news, I have gotten addicted to a new author and a new genre. Wen Spencer and fantasy. Her book Tinker made me take a second look at fantasy. It has never really intrigued me, until now. I bought the ebook and liked it so much that I made a 40 mile trek to the bookstore to buy it. Next project is getting a good PDA so that I can continue to buy ebooks. Do banks make loans to purchase books?

A Point to Ponder

Should you let your kids join a group that has nationally and quite publicly condemned your lifestyle?

My boys want to join a group that would honestly be good for them. But, this group has repeatedly and loudly kicked out homosexuals. Do I let them? Or do I shelter them a few more years against bigotry and hatred?

Can you hear that?

That eeire, strangled cat going through puberty noise? That's me trying to talk. Everything feels fine unless I try to talk, swallow, or breathe. No temperature, chills, sweats, or other malaise. If I could rip my damn throat out, I would. In less than a heartbeat.

Naughty girl that I am, I seriously thought about taking a hit from resident's O2 concentrators today. Yes, I know, mother. It's wrong. But, I still thought about it. If it gets much worse, I'll have to go to the ER and get a neb treatment or something. If I had insurance, I'd already be there.

Death, Dying, and Dignity

Whatever the reasons, the Terry Schiavo case is wrong. Holly Lisle says it best.

But, here is my take on the matter.

Firstly, Death is final. No do-overs. Do you really want someone else to decide this for you?

Next, Dying is not generally pleasant. Most people don't fall asleep and just never wake up again.

Finally, Dignity is everyone's right. I agree with Holly. If there is no living will, take all means to keep someone alive. Noone should be allowed to play God, except God. If he really wants you to die at a specific time, you will die no matter what life saving measures are taken. Stopping life-saving measures without a DNR or living will is just assisted suicide without the patients permission or desire. (AKA murder) By making that choice for the patient you are taking away their dignity.

I have fought long and hard with my values regarding death, dying and dignity. It's part of the job, I guess. I've struggled when I see resident's families show up to remove a feeding tube, or sign DNR papers, etc. It's even worse to see that happen when those same "caring" families haven't shown up to visit since Gramma/Grandpa was admitted to a nursing home. The most common excuse I have heard, "I don't want to see her/him suffer anymore", is bullshit. How can you see them suffer when you haven't even come to visit?

Let me put it clearly, I have been in a coma on life support three times. Four if you count right after I was born 11 weeks early. The other three times, doctors said I would never come off of life support. The doctors said I would be too brain-damaged to have a good quality of life. All three times, the doctors were wrong. I'm still alive and kicking, and my IQ is MENSA grade. Give your loved ones a chance. If they really don't want to live, they won't.

What A Day!

I've been optimistic for my foray into novel writing. Deep in my thoughts was this wall. It kept telling me to get realistic. Real Life kept looming in my peripheral vision. Words were coming slower and slower. Yesterday, I decided to just go back to my hobby.

I didn't want to disappoint myself. I don't let my hopes soar anymore. I don't like getting back to reality. Really, it's logical. Don't like the morning after? Don't get crazy the night before. Same concept. Can't get rejected if you never try out.

This morning, I remembered the first dream since times best forgotten. My soul sent me a message. My story, start to finish. Oh, if only I had hooked up my DVD recorder to my brain last night! Then, it hit me. I had signed up for an outlining marathon over at Forward Motion for this weekend. 48 hours of outlining.

I wouldn't have the whole 48 hours for the challenge, but hell, who cares? A couple of short hours later, I had 64 notecards sitting in my lap. Each one had a one-liner on the front, expanded to a paragraph on the back. I put a rubber band around them and set them on my desk.

Do I get my hopes up? Why is it so hard for my to go back to my nice normal life? My gf, kids, work, knitting and various other hobbies used to be enough. My computer time was limited to surfing the web, and typing up poetry/stories I had written for fun. Isn't being a dyke, with a gf, with two boys, in Small Town, IL emotionally challenging enough? Let's throw some more fat into the fire.

Does it work?

I'm going to try to post my WIP and see if it works. Hmmm.


Megan

20k

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100k

Sad Comedy

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100k

Happily Frustrating

Well, I decided that I am going to stop using my home-made WIP progress bars. It just takes up too much time manipulating the images. I figured out how to make one myself using tables, except the colors won't show up in Firefox. I like them in IE, but something has to be done about Firefox. I think I can, I think I can, I will. Eventually!

Everything else is going great. I just wish I had more time right now to play around on my blog.

(Insert sniffle here.)

Hopefully, things start getting back to their normal pace of crazy instead of absolutely nuts soon.

Boycott*

I'm going on a boycott. Never again will Bowdlerize & Nadir get any money from me. This nationwide chain had the audacity to refuse to order several books for me.

I almost understood their refusal to order a POD book. Almost. When they refused to order some books from authors that were through a publishing house, I flipped. I was told that since their warehouse was out-of-stock that they were not going to order more. Why? Because they only will order in bulk.

I don't give a rat's patootie. I'm the customer and I am always right when I'm the customer. Especially when I am willing to pay in advance. Yes, yes, I realize that they must turn a profit. (Border's has ordered POD and out-0f-stock items for me.) Since when do they get to tell me that I can't buy something? That I should read Mr. I. N. Fodump or Mrs. C. C. Plot because they are "much better authors." Bullshit. Remember America? I choose. Not Mrs. Logup Theass.

I have this nasty habit of buying books authored by not-so-well-known or unknown writers. What can I say? I like broad horizons. I like shiny new books. I like being able to say that I have almost as many authors in my humble collection as I do books. Period. Remember it's my money.

*Names have been changed to protect I don't know/care what.

Why Would You Use This?

• Musical Baby Diaper Alarm*-It plays "When the Saints Go Marching In."

Did the inventors, three women from France, ever hear of paying attention to children?

• Three-legged Pantyhose*-Just change legs if you get a run in your hose. The third leg rolls up into a pocket in the crotch.
  

It's bad enough we wear those torture devices. Only men should have a third leg.

• Vibrating Toilet Seat*-The inventor, Thomas Bayard, believed buttock stimulation helped constipation.

Isn't the washer enough stimulation, ladies?

• Pet Petter-A machine to pet your pet.

If you don't want to pet your pet, get a fish.

• Earthquake House-A house in a ball. If internal sensors determine an earthquake is coming they release utility lines, anchors, tethers, etc. so that your house can roll about. A nifty device keeps your living quarters upright.

The next new sport-Neighborhood bowling.

• Skin Stencil-First, wear your hat so that the stencil is above skin. Then, go in the sun. Whatever is cut out of your hat will be tanned onto your skin.

Do they say idiot?

Maybe you should really think about what you are trying to invent. Do people really want to have it or will it become the next joke?

*From Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader by the Bathroom Readers' Institute

Whoopsie!

I just realized that they don't have a description up. How observant I am.

A chance meeting brings them together, but will their feelings for each other be strong enough to withstand their pasts?

Morgan-After the loss of her family and then the death of her lover, Morgan was on her own taking care of the ranch her father started.

Julie-Her job no longer interested her and she just ended a five year relationship, after finding out her partner was cheating on her with a man!
--The Ranch by Stacie Bumgarner

Excitement Is In The Air

My gf's book is now available. The Ranch by Stacie Bumgarner.

I'm so happy for her! Since I've been on the verge of depression lately, this is great news. Hopefully, this is the sign that the days are really getting brighter. Back to Real Life.

Black Cloud

I once thought that life could be wonderful if you just tried to make it that way. Once again, wrong. Car is broken, yet again. I wonder if it can be fixed this time.

Landlord is an a#&$&#%. We still are missing two windows in the middle of winter. (Have been since fall) $350 was the water bill when he went a month before fixing some leaks.

Bosses are idiots. They don't know what isolation is. I printed out the CDC guidelines for isolating influenza. Think they listened? Nope. Most hospitals in our area are full with influenze patients and are sending what they can to nursing homes. Instead of spending a few extra dollars on masks/gowns for the staff, they say wash your hands more. Guess what, that doesn't work when you've had someone hack all over your scrubs. Oh yeah, public health is due to arrive anyday now for an inspection.

And the best part. I feel like a mac truck has run me over, put it in reverse, and did it again. At least the kids haven't gotten it yet.

Really? Discrimination IS bad.

The government often amazes me with its blunders. From black vs. white to heterosexual vs. homosexual, government agencies/officials try everything to keep some minority group as a lesser class. Each and everytime is has been proven wrong.

Politicians try to use religion, loop holes, false statistics, etc to that effort. But, when it comes to the high holy dollar, they'll accept anything. While this study helps my cause, why does it have to come to this? Why can't freedom and equality be practiced?

Does anyone remember the Constitution?

Perversity

People sometimes wonder how I am still alive. I have been through so much and yet don't get suicidal over it all. What's the point? No matter how bad I had it, someone will always have it worse. My heart goes out to the kids that were never heard.

It's kids that have gone through trials like this, but were never heard that break my heart. I know they are there.

"France has been horrified by the case, wondering how such widespread abuse could have gone on for so long unnoticed by social workers or the police, says the BBC's Caroline Wyatt in Paris."
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4313747.stm

In my humble biased outraged opinion, it went unnoticed because few want to believe that this level of perversity could ever happen to them. "That only happens in those third world starving countries," they say. Guess what, it doesn't. Reality check. Horrible things happen. They happen near or to you, not to some stranger 3,000 miles away.

By Gosh Oh Golly Gee.

These last few days have been...

Inspired. I figured out how to play with animated images on my graphics editor, GIMP. My reason to play? Because I wanted to and I earned it.

I've finally gotten my computer set-up the way I like it. Firefox for most of my browsing needs and IE for Yahoo! messenger. I'd switch Yahoo! Messenger, but the my scores on my games won't post. Does Microsoft own Yahoo!, too?

I'm debating on what computer I will get next year. (We're outgrowing this one) I will probably get a laptop and wait on a new computer, though. That was my gf and I can both be writing/playing/whatever at the same time. Something to think about.

On the writing front, I'm having a blast. Rythym is coming slowly, but that doesn't matter. I have no illusions about writing the next Great American Novel. Even if a few people like my words, I will be happy.