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Notable Quotes

You must keep sending work out; you must never let a manuscript do nothing but eat its head off in a drawer. You send that work out again and again, while you're working on another one. If you have talent, you will receive some measure of success - but only if you persist.
--Isaac Asimov

 

Good Books for
a Good Cause

Vidlit for The Halo Effect
by M.J. Rose

Buy The Halo Effect
by M.J. Rose

 

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Knick Knacks


Stop Censorship Mug


Certifiably Neurotic asswiper Tote

 

Places To Go

 

Saturday, February 26

Playing With GIFs

Using the GIMP to play around making animated images today. Also, I am trying out Firefox. I'm hoping that some of my security issues will clear up.

My rewards for getting another 1000 words done. Megan is grown and about to get out of the state school. The real fun can begin now. (Very evil grin)

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Friday, February 25

How To... (adult topic)

How to piss off a dyke:
  1. Needless homophobic bashing. At least, support your view. Preferably in English, not Eubonics. I'm only literate in English, Spanish, and Latin.
  2. Repetition. Take pride in your insults. Instead of "yur goin' to hell you perv" in every post, try "Wanted: Muff-Diver. Send Resumes to Beelzebub-P.O. Box 666, Hell, Earth 69069."
  3. Wasting time. Why comment in every post? If I am so offensive, leave. Don't make yourself suffer just to try to insult me. It won't work anyway.
  4. Insulting me and my job. Shortly, old women don't turn me on.

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Thursday, February 24

Some Things I Was Taught...

My role model taught me how to live.

Live Now.
Like tomorrow was a gift and you've got eternity
To think about what you do with it,
What could you do with it, what can
I do with with it, what would I do with it.
I went sky divin',
I went rocky mountain climbin',
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull name Fu Manchu.
And I loved deeper,
And I spoke sweeter,
And I gave forgiveness I've been denying,
And he said someday I hope you get the chance,
To live like you were dyin'.
-----Tim McGraw-Live Like You Were Dyin' video

You Cannot Be Stopped.
Do you see a bluer sky now
You can have a better life now
Open your eyes
'Cuz no one here can ever stop us
They can try but we won't let them... no way
-----Aerosmith-Fly Away From Here video (towards the bottom of the page)


Have Pride.
You get what you put in and people get what they deserve.
Still I ain't seen mine, no I ain't seen mine.
I've been givin', just ain't been gettin'.
I've been walkin' that there line.
So I think I'll keep a'walkin' with my head held high.
I'll keep movin' on if only God knows why.
-----Kid Rock-Only God Knows Why

Joy is yours to be had.
When I wake up in the morning, get's me out of bed.
Keeps me running, skipping, jumping like a little kid.
You know sometimes, I can hardly keep it inside.
It overtakes me, overwhelms me and I'm more alive.
I did not get it from any woman or man,
And it's okay if they don't always understand.
It's very easy to get caught in circumstance.
It's even easier to break out in a dance.
JOY.
-----Kim English-Unspeakable Joy

In memory of the only true mom I ever had.

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In Tears - R Language

Today is a day for tears. I don't often cry when someone passes away. I realize the necessity, the inevitability. This time, I have been inconsolable. She was my friend. She was the first role model I ever let myself have.

To fuck with "She is going to a better place." I don't care. "At least she is not in pain anymore," is the most assinine excuse I have ever heard. I'm ashamed that I have tried to comfort with those transparent words. They are just reminders that she was here and in pain. They make you hate yourself for wishing you had just one more minute, hour, day, anything.

How do you grieve for the woman that taught you it's okay to be you?.

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Wednesday, February 23

Listening to my soul...

Since things have been one non-stop thrill ride for the last few days. I need to sit back and take stock.

First, my gf's book is proofed, approved, and on its way to print. When I have the link to buy it, I will of course put up something.

Second, the flu is coming. It has hit work, hit home, and now starting to hit me. Exhaustion has kept me from the gym, which has made me even more tired. (Why does using energy up make a body more?)

Finally, and most important to me is...(drum roll, please)...I am going to attempt a whole novel. I put up a short, uncomplete scene here and on Forward Motion. The response I have gotten has been extremely helpful providing constructive criticism, which I love. I think I can do this. If not, then I will at least have fun on the ride. I don't dare dream of reaching the heights of some of my role models, but I can try. I would rather have tried and lose than lose before I start.

I don't know exactly why, but this is extremely important to me. This is not a hobby anymore. I have to let my soul lead. In retrospect, it's been heading this direction for a long time. I just didn't listen. I thought the roses and school plays were enough.

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Sunday, February 20

Notable Quotes

I happen to be obsessed with quotes. I love to read others witty thoughts. They are thought provoking. This time it's Theodore Roosevelt. Next time, it might just be Kermit the Frog. Who knows? I may update it everyday or once a year. Time will tell.

Other quotes from Theodore Roosevelt:
  • "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."
  • "Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft."
  • "Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far."
  • "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat."

Quotes from Life's A Birch.

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Saturday, February 19

Well,

Finally, I'm starting to be able to get something down on the screen. Horrible, but still something. I'm going to post it, even though I will rewrite most of it. Maybe seeing it in a different form will help me. Just remember, I am not a professional. I write for fun. Don't delude yourself into thinking that this is going to be a good read. Thank goodness I'm a better poet than writer. Otherwise, my girlfriend might just leave me.

-----------------------------------

With a last glance around my home, I walked to the front door. Two PCB agents in black uniforms were waiting to take me away. I realized that for the next five years, I was an exile. No movies, no friends, nothing. Suddenly, the pale blue of the carpet was all I could see. Mom's hands gently rolled me over. Smelling the faint vanilla scent of my mom, I thought, "Maybe, I won't have to go if I just stay like this.' In the next instant, four hands gripped my arms, pulling me vertical.

"Nothing you do will change the facts. Nada. You are thirteen today. You do have another option, though," said one of the agents, laughing.

"How?" questioned my mom. "I thought the law was passed right after The Uprising. All children must go to the state schools on their thirteenth birthday. No exceptions. No alternatives. They even take kids out of the hospital." I could see the glimmer of hope in her eyes.

"Well, she could choose to go to jail. Sure, it's for the rest of her life, not just five years. But, who cares? It's not the state school. She'll have a job. They always need test subjects and organ donors. If she doesn't show any signs of the disease after she goes to the adult section, she can even pay for her own stay. I hear that if you surrogate a child once a year, you even have some spending money. An eye is worth two years they say. Just can't beat the medical benefits in jail." The sneer consumed the whole face of the other guard.

"Let go of me. I'll walk on my own two feet," I said. I tried to give mom and dad a hug. Those damn agents got in the way.

"Nope. Can't trust you, now. Out the door."

They each took an arm and forced me to the door. Mom tried to follow me, but once they got me into the yard, four other agents blocked the way. Dad tried to quiet down mom's hysterics. Next thing I knew, I was chained into a seat on the bus. Most of the other kids had red faces and tear stained cheeks. You could even hear some of them still crying. Fire boiled in my blood. I tried to stand up, but the cold steel left no room. I could still hear mom's crying when we got to the end of the block. I closed my eyes, remembering our last vacation at the beach.

Soon, the bumps from potholes because waves under the boat. Dad stopped the boat, jumping overboard for a swim. Coming up for air, he said, "Wh...."

"I didn't hear you, Dad." He was probably twenty feet from the boat. So, I jumped in, the cool water washing over me. When I came up for air, dad was even farther away from me.

"Wh.."

"Dad, you're to far away. Stay there. I'll swim to you. Can't hear you from here," I yelled. He was even farther away this time. Through the greenish water, I couldn't see him. I swam towards where he had been, hoping that he had stayed put. When I came up for air, I couldn't see him. I looked around, treading water and starting to shake. The clouds started to get darker and the waves were getting bigger. Soon, I was being tossed around so much I could barely keep my head above water.

Startled, I opened my eyes. Black. Shit, I was still on the bus, with one of those agents standing right in front of me. Out of the window, I could see a building surrounded by fences. Not just one, either. This must be the jail, I thought.

"I'll ask you one more time. What's your choice, chica?"

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Out Of Control

Do people really believe aluminum foil hats would preotect from mind control? Just in case you believe in mind control and want to wear an aluminum foil hat, the AFDB website show you how to make an "Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie."

By the way, the AFDB also has tips on maintenance, cleaning, replacing and other FAQs on your deflector beanie.

Maybe you should line the walls of your houses, too.

1 Comments:

at 2:03 AM, February 20, 2005, Blogger Brian said...

Foil is great for deflecting things, heat, light, microwaves, MLB observation satellites (Simpsons :) )

It's just kind of sick that someone markets these things ... is it petrock all over again?

~brian

 

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Hmmm,

A thought to ponder.

I do not write professionally. I don't know if I even want to. I have never submitted a manuscript. I cannot imagine my life without my job as a CNA. I love making that difference everyday. But, why does is frustrate me so much that I haven't been able to get those first words down on my new project?

I have a great idea, plans laid, brainstorm done, but no words are coming. I can see what I need to write. Still, a blank page and filename is all I have. Granted, this is by far the most complicated plot that I have ever attempted. But, damn it, I want words. I want something tangible. Not a movie in my head. Why does this one matter so much to me? Never before have I been so stuck and not been able to just move onto another project whether it be writing, knitting or otherwise. Suddenly, it seems as if this is becoming much more than a hobby. I've been late to return from breaks at work, forgetting to eat, ignoring my family. All because I feel compelled to make this work. Somehow.

Is my soul dreaming differently than my thoughts?

1 Comments:

at 4:42 PM, February 26, 2005, Blogger David Tebbutt said...

BrainStorm is a program with a talent for sucking ideas out of your head. You can just throw stuff in, no need to worry about structure, sequence or connections. Sort that out later. It runs on a PC and there's a free 30-day trial.
If you want a more 'human' view of what it's about, our blog has a lot of user-sourced material on it.
Of course, if you're a Mac user, it's another story.
Hope you don't mind me mentioning it.

 

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Wednesday, February 16

Oh My Goodness!!!

The last few days have been completely weird-wired. My honey's book is completely in the works now. The proofs should arrive sometime next week. Then, the race is on. As soon as it is listed, I will post a preview and links.

Children have been busy. Both have started acting as if they were human. I'm waiting for their true hellhound selves to show through.

Work has been absolutely lunatic. The back is normal. Mind never has been. The gym has replaced my afternoon coffee clutch.

Sorry about the lack of posts, but tomorrow is my free day. Hopefully, I will get caught up.

P.S. I like comments. They let me know what needs changing, what I should continue. I may not change my opinions, but a good debate and open minded-ness are better than gold.

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Sunday, February 13

Wow!

Sometimes, things in life are just too strange. I don't know how to explain it. Paperback Writer made a list of alternate titles for some blogs using song names. She chose Strong Enough by Sheryl Crow for my blog. During my contemplative mood last night, Sheryl Crow was on my cd player most of the night. This moring, the exact song she chose, Strong Enough, was playing as I read her post.

Now, hopefully, coincidence won't strike again today. The dreams I had last night were not pleasant even if they were plausible.

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What Was He Thinking?

This just speaks for itself. He put an ad on his forehead for $37,000. Imagine his family pictures. In 30 years, his kids are going to ask him what that even is.

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Saturday, February 12

Hmph!

Reflection Time.

Everyday I try to sit back and think about the daty before going to bed. Today, all I can say is "Hmph."

I've gotten my template down to a few minor adjustments. (Footer, maybe another link box, new poll) Hopefully, it works pretty well. Please, leave me a comment if there is a problem. I can only test it on IE.

The kids are doing great. The oldest is accepting his grounding. The youngest played all day. It's hard to accept that they aren't so little anymore. I wonder how my gf feels. She has been watching them grow since they were born. I've only been in the picture for five years. Wow.

All in all, I'm in a contemplative mood. How many people take their families for granted? I wish I could. I joke that the one positive thing about being raised in foster care is the lack of families. Not having umpteen birthdays to remember or too many Christmas gifts to buy. I realized today that I do not have one picture of me before I was about 20. None. The only childhood stories I know are either from a hospital visit, foster care, or the forbidden subject. My first word could have been "Shit" for all I know. I know I walked at 9 months because my doctor noted it in my records, but there has to be more there. What experiences made me...me? I probably shouldn't dwell on this. It's not like suddenly I will know all the answers, but damn.

Parents, do me and your kids a favor. Keep a diary, make a scrapbook, do something so that your kids will know where they came from. Especially if your kids don't live with you. If not, they'll just keep wondering. Asking questions for which there are no answers.

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Is It Really True?

I am finally making some progress on my template. Woo Hoo! At least, I have the main section done. (Minus a few color changes) Now, I get to work on my sidebar.

I am getting rid of those ugly little buttons. Hopefully, I will come up with something better. Kids are doing fine. My oldest is still working away at chores and my youngest is playing his heart out.

I stayed up until 3 am working on my little therapy project. I have got a few things in perspective. Mission Accomplished.

Time to head back to HTML land.

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Friday, February 11

Whooopie

I feel like making....

Cookies. But, other matters belong upfront. First, a reality check for my oldest son, 11, who has decided that parents and teachers are stupid. Normally, I am not a check-on-my-kid-in-their-room-every-five-minutes type of mom. This weekend? Definitely! Their is no TV, no toys, no computer, nothing. The only things he is allowed to do are homework, reading books, and cleaning. I hope I last longer than he does. Did I mention that he is a whiner/crier?

(be right back)

Sorry, had to check the stock of Tylenol. Next, I've decided that I am going to think outside the box. As an exercise, I am going to write an autobiography. I will not even publish this one on Lulu.com. This is strictly therapy.

Last, some R&R. Knitting comes to mind. For those of you who like Aran style knitting, check out Aran Paint. It's a wonderful program that allows you to design your own aran patterns. You can actually see how they will look before you knit a swatch. So go play and have fun.

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Thursday, February 10

Hazy-Why I Neglected My Blog

Finally, I have been able to come out of the fog. What fog you ask? Well, I took some Flexiril for my back. It wasn't serious enough this time to risk getting taken off of work by going to the ER, but the baseball-sized knot in my back had to go.
  • Day 1, Monday: After leaving work, I alternately froze or overheated myself in 20 minute intervals. Thank goodness for my girlfriend and kids.
  • Day 2: I got up at four am, intending to go to work. Ha Ha! Called in after trying to bend over to tie my shoes. Back to the two forms of hell. New process-rub in Icy/Hot every so often.
  • Day 3: Heard my conscience going "Suck it up, Sally" and hauled my ass to work. I wonder if they ever figured out where the extra sand pack went. (Sand packs are the BEST heating pad, store them in warm water and the last for hours) Upon arriving home, I re-instituted Day 2's regimen. About eight pm, I decided to call in the reserves. My last two Flexiril. I had been saving these since I almost tore the same muscles that currently hurt. (Less than a year from the RX date)
  • Day 4: Wanted to kill my miniature dachshund when I woke up. She slept on my back. Attached ThermaCare heating pad to get through. After work, another Flexiral. Finally, 80 hours after the injury happened, I still hurt!

(Yes, I'm whining. Back injuries hurt. Even if they aren't true injuries because I did not go to the doc.)

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Monday, February 7

Arrrrgggh!

Today has been hell. Pure Hell. Started out horrible, ended even worse. I ran behind all day, then I hurt my back at work. Why did I get hurt at work? Because our PT/OT department told the DON that someone could stand and pivot. The DON then told us we could no longer use the hoyer lift.

Now, don't get me wrong. I encourage residents to walk as much as possible. Key word=POSSIBLE. I wouldn't expect a resident on oxygen who is also a hospice patient and has not gotten out of bed in two weeks to be able to stand up, turn, and sit. Common sense. But, when a resident is on hospice, insurance (cough, Medicare, cough) will not pay for therapy. So, after unsuccessfully trying to do the impossible, five of us were injured in some way.

Of course, I got the heaviest parts since I am the strongest. But, my gym workouts do not make me Super Aide. The adrenaline rush was not very nice, either. I like my heart rate and BP elevated during two things and two things only: Gym workouts and bedroom workouts.

I have only had two people fall while under my care. Neither was preventable. One due to a resident having a TIA during walking, the other was a mechanical problem with a hoyer lift. Both times I was able to stop the impact. I do not want to have people hurt because I am just a CNA. PT/OT screens last all of 10-30 minutes. CNA care last all day. Who do you think has a better idea of what someone can really do?

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Sunday, February 6

Brainstorming


This is what I use to brainstorm. I can follow the graphical image much better than an outline. Also, I can use different colored lines to represent how certain information passes along to the reader. Trust me though, this is by no means complete. There are many more layers to add. Posted by Hello

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I'm Trying

Anyhow, I'm trying to get this thing under control. Any input?

Well, my kids are wanting to eat. So, I will be back to keep on trucking soon.

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Try, Try, And Try Again

Okay, so I didn't catch the sandworm yesterday. But, I will keep trying until I do. Finished up on the first brainstorming session so I will post a pic of it today.

Thanks to the GIMP for my buttons. This is by far the best digital design program for 2d surfaces that I have seen in a long time. The second best part: It's free. It is an advanced program, but there are so many wonderful tutorials that you can do just about anything from the get-go. I definitely recommend it for those who want to creat their own digital designs, touch up pictures, design posters, etc.

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Saturday, February 5


Just experimenting. Trying to learn how to post pics since I temporarily gave up on html. Posted by Hello

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Playing Around

Today, I'm diving into a strange incomprehensible world. Darwinian theories are the prime directive.

That world is called HTML code.

Please. Hold me in your hearts today. The newbie is going to try to catch her first sandworm today.

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