Questions From Carter

Here I am. I am going to take an extra twist. If you want to be interviewed, go ahead and comment. Also, feel free to ask some questions. I will answer freely.

Here are the rules: If you feel like playing, leave me a comment asking to be interviewed!

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”

2. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.

3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.

4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.

5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Responses to Carter:
1. What is your motivation as a writer? What drives you forward and carries you over the rough spots?

I write because I like it. That is enough self-motivation for me. I want to get published, but I realize that right now family matters more. It is my family that gets me through all my knocks in life, writing or otherwise.

2. What other arts besides writing (music, paintings, sculptures, etc.) do you draw inspiration from in your writing?

Knitting is always a great time to let my mind wander and the thoughts have free reign. Also, life inspires me. I have always found much about real life stranger than fiction.

3. What would you like your epitaph to say?

Can anyone say morbid?

"Wife to (insert gf's name)
Mother to (insert kiddie's names)
Loving and dedicated

4. What one genre would you like to write in that you haven't tried yet?

Actually, mainstream SF. I currently write poetry and lesbian SF. Both unpublished :(

5. What scares you most about writing?

The same thing that scares me throughout my life-Failure.

Making My Day

Even if my problems hadn't gotten some resolution today, Carter's wit would have been enough to make me feel better.

From Carter:

Freudian slip of the day: Sometimes balling is a much better catharsis than bawling. hee-hee. Sorry, I couldn't resist.

Quick and Painful

In a mere two hours, I went from happy mama to depressed mama.

The specifics are of no concern, but my world is screwed left, right, and center. My gf and I do see a way out. It just isn't what we had planned for.

I promise that I will have a much better post tomorrow. Off to ball my eyes out.

Balancing Act

Holly's mother-in-law is cancer-free and will make a full recovery. Plus one.

Zette's mom passed away. Minus a lot.

This is another one of those times when we are smacked in the face and reminded that life is finite. That bad things happen to good people. None of that reasoning helps. Blah Blah Blah.

Zette you are in my thoughts.

For Carter

Call for Good Thoughts and More

Holly, author and mentor to many, needs a lot of {hugs} and prayers. Stop on by her place to pass on some good thoughts. She is good people. If our {hugs} and prayers help her just a fraction of what her wit and wisdom has helped us aspiring authors, then her hardship shall pass leaving her loved one safe.

Also, Holly, please go to the optometrist appointment that was set up for you. I was on top of the cow, not under the cow. ;)

In other news, it seems as if my comments are not working correctly. Hopefully, it will be a short-lived snafu. I was able to logout of blogger and post under "other" and "anonymous." Maybe it is because to post a comment it has to open in a new window. Firefox tends to bark at this.

From Carter:
"I'll be launching my "Fuck Censorship" Webring within the next 24 hours. The condition for membership will be the willingness to say what you want when you want and to tell anyone who objects to FUCK OFF."

I wanna join. Come on. Lemme in. I said open up!

Censorship

There is a reason that our United States Constitution exists. To keep us free and democratic. 75 million Americans used the internet in the last election to find information, discuss, debate, rant, etc. It seems as if our lawmakers our so scared by masses having a means for free speech in the political arena that they are seeking to regulate it.

A federal judge (wonder whose pocket he is in) decided that the internet must fall under BCRA. (Link is to a .pdf file) Prior to this ruling, the FEC held that the internet should be excluded. I wonder if this judge truly thought about his decision before issuing it.

Maybe this judge just wanted political parties to have to count internet advertisements when reporting to the FEC. The implications could be far worse. One large debate is over what to classify bloggers as.

Bloggers generally pay little or none to blog. "Traditional" press/media has overhead-magazines, newspapers, TV stations, etc. The proposed rules would make any blogger that used a computer at work to blog regulated. Also, group blogs seem to fall under the definition of "commitee," making them regulated.

The point is that this could restrict our right to free speech. Our rants, opinions, ideas could be construed as voluteering for a political party. What we pay for our hosting could be considered part of campaign funds. We might not be able to say that Bush, Jr. is an asshole anymore.


Sources:
Center for Democracy and Technology
Paperback Writer
House of Representatives
Federal Election Commitee
PEW Internet and American Life Project

World's Largest Mess?

Why do people want their fifteen minutes of fame so badly? World's Largest Popsicle would not be what I wanted on my resume.

Things I Don't Want on my Resume:

• Longest Foot Archery Shot
• Farthest Spaghetti Nasal Ejection
• Furthest Cricket (dead) Spit
• Furthest Marshmallow Nose-Blow
• Most Bees in Mouth
• Most Kicks to the Head in One Minute (Self)
• Most Scorpions Eaten
• Strangest Diet (Metal and Glass)
  

What outrageous ideas to get into Guiness can you come up with?

I Wonder

Where did I go wrong?
Faded dreams,
Held tight for so long.

What did I not do?
Undone acts,
Caused hatred by you.

Why did I love blind?
Wasted fucks,
Dropped tears left behind.

When did I turn sour?
Sordid times,
Came more ev'ry hour.

Who did I let down?
Little child,
Hurt to see the frown.

Me and Sun*

This is me after four hours in the sun yesterday:


Today, a resident decided to use me as a punching bag. Each and every blow landed on my sunburn. All I could think as the tears rolled down my cheeks was, "If only you were not a resident, I'd punch you back."

I am really not a violent person, but IT HURT.

*No residents/family/pets were harmed in the teaching of this lesson.

Sometimes, Even I Hate the Internet

Why is it that the internet has tantrums?

I cannot read my mail. Yahoo will let me into everything else, except my mail. I'm going off to pout now!

Picture Day?

Since my gf loves this picture of me so much, I'll post it for all the world to laugh at.

In 2003, the nursing home I work at celebrated Milk Day. They brought in a wooden cow that you could milk. See the blonde hair? So, I told them the story of when my grandma owned her cotton farm.

She had sold all the horses one year. When it came time to go to the back pastures, we rode the cows out as they were heading that way to graze. With or without horses, the cottom had to be picked. Somehow, (Maybe the hair?) I got talked into this picture.

Anyhow, see how much fun wiping asses is?

He He He

I got this in an email today. If only Butch, my miniature dachshund, was the dog in the picture.

The Devil Made Me Do It, Mom!

Digital Water

While trying to come up with some graphics for a new template, I made:



It seems that GIMP and I came up with water. Maybe I should watermark this so that I can use it as my new background?

Edit: Then I came up with this:

Time to Redecorate

I'm getting bored with my *futuristic, quasi-control-board* template.

Things I would like to know:

Do I have too many graphics right now?

Would it be safe for me to move to a page designed for 1024 x 768 pixels or is most everyone using 800 x 600 pixels for screen size?

Other suggestions?

Thanks to PBW for her suggestions.

A Question

A theory has been on my brain since Holly asked about our Five Smartest Mistakes. It seems to me that most of us creative* types have horrible past experiences that haunt us.

The abuse, suicide attempts, being a foster kid, etc, have enhanced my creativity, especially in writing. Without those experiences, I do not think that I could get into the heads of most of my characters. I would not have tried even writing for fun without them.

I started writing poetry and prose as a way to figure out what was going on in and around me. Interestingly, my poetry tends to be dark, desperate, and despondent. But, my stories are filled with underdog heroes.

My crafting (sewing, quilting, knitting, crochet, etc.) are release when I am caught between two bad choices. Times when I am broke, but don't want to give up family time, bring out the sewing machine, knitting needles, and crochet hooks en force.

What enhances your creativity? Is it the hard times or the good?

Five Best Mistakes

Holly Lisle has prompted bloggers to clean out their closets. What are your five best mistakes? That is truly hard to answer. But, I am one who willingly answers honest questions, so here goes.

1. Loving my parents. I love both my parents. Why? I dunno. In return for unconditional love, I got conditions. Dad used me in horrible ways. Mom was more interested in here career, as a social worker for sexually abused children. Broken bones, cigarette burns, and STDs were common after a six-hour visit with Dad. Mom's response? "I deal with this all day at work. I won't deal with it at home." She prefered to pay for me to live in foster care than have me at home. She didn't fight for visits, Dad did.

Family isn't who is genetically related to you. It's who supports you when you least resemble a human.

2. Coming out too soon. I told the foster parents I had at 15 that I was a dyke. In four hours flat, I was in a psychiatric ward. I didn't realize that my foster dad was a devout Southern Baptist preacher. Whoops. He did try to show me the proper orientation. A few months later, I found out that I was pregnant.

No matter what my values or views are, I must respect that you are entitled to your own values and views.

3. Choosing adoption. At 16, I had the choice to either put my daughter up for adoption, or get emancipated and go it alone. While DCFS did nothing about the cause of my pregnancy, they used it to try to get rid of me. I was classified as high risk because I ran away. A lot. I ran away because I had learned not to put up with abuse. Not mental, physical, sexual or otherwise. DCFS thought that I would rather be out on my own than see my daughter in the system.

The choice killed me. But, I hope that the worst of the system was attracted to me, not my daughter. To this day, I pray everyday that Murphy stays the hell away from her. Hope is so much harder than anything else.

4. Trying to commit suicide. After my daughter was born, I tried. Several times. I failed only because of a friend that loved me without requirements. He once told me the only thing that kept him from asking me to marry him was my sexual orientation. I believed him. Then, he died. I decided to try again. I knew noone would be there to stop me. I can still feel how the razor blade felt in the palm of my hand, ice and fire all at once. As I touched the blade to my wrist, I swear I heard him, "Are you so weak that you won't even try?"

Strength is always physical. Most of the time, it is those little moments when you could take the easy path, but you long haul it instead.

5. Walking away from my cushy job. I gave up a well paying desk job to wipe asses. It wasn't smart financially, but it made all the difference emotionally.

You must make yourself happy. Money, people, things won't do it. You must do what you love.

3 Days

Starting Friday at 8am we are having a garage sale. This means that we must have spring cleaning done, including garage. All the miscellaneous objects, clothes, etc. washed, laid out and tagged.

Just to punish ourselves furthur, a friend of ours and my gf's mother are participating. Argh! Am I truly a masochist?

Work is absolutely fabulous, right? I give showers all day long. In a room minus air conditioning. With the heat lamps turned on. In 90-odd degree weather. Without electrical outlets, so no fan, either. My boss and I need to talk.

Would they give me air conditioning or an outlet if I showed up to work in a bikini? (Remember, I am a 220 pound fat, muscular dyke)

Also, I am trying to get a post up answering Holly's call, but it will probably wait until Saturday night or Sunday. No one might hear from me until then.

***P.S. My gf's rant about her mother is absolutely f***ing hilarious. At least, until her mother reads it.

Smuggling?

Remember seeing Little House on the Prairie, and the mother would carry things in her apron? Well, this woman decided to sew up an apron to conceal tropical fish. Why, you ask? To smuggle them. For the rest of the details, visit MSNBC.com.

Didn't she realize that she would sound a little swishy carrying bags of water?

Making Me Cry

Everytime I hear this song, I bawl my eyes out.

When the Children Cry by White Lion

Little child dry your crying eyes
How can I explain the fear you feel inside
Cause you were born into this evil world
Where man is killing man and no one knows just why
What have we become just look what we have done
All that we destroyed you must build again

CHORUS
When the children cry let them know we tried
Cause when the children sing then the new world begins
Little child you must show the way
To a better day for all the young
Cause you were born for all the world to see
That we all can live with love and peace
No more presidents and all the wars will end
One united world under God

CHORUS

What have we become just look what we have done
All that we destroyed you must build again
No more presidents and all the wars will end
One united world under God

When the children cry let them know we tried
When the children fight let them know it ain't right
When the children pray let them know the way
Cause when the children sing then the new world begins

Pass It Along

I am finding that reading blogs is becoming extremely addicting. (Maybe, it's just because I'm quitting one addiction for another. LOL:) Anyhow, I saw this over at Tamboblog and thought I would try it out.

Copy and paste to your own blog. Highlight the ones that apply and add one to the list. PBW, I'm tagging you since you tagged your whole blog audience last time! (Insert evil grin here)

01. I miss somebody right now.
02. I don’t watch much TV these days.
03. I love olives.
04. I own lots of books.
05. I love fiber arts. (Knitting, crochet, quilting, etc)
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses.
07. I love to play video games.
08. I’ve tried marijuana.
09. I’ve watched porn movies.
10. I have been in a threesome.
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship.
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
13. I believe that no matter what our past, we are responsible for our actions.
14. I hate being bored.
15. I curse sometimes.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year.
17. I have a hobby.
18. I love listening to music.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I’m TOTALLY smart.
21. I’ve never broken someone’s bones.
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal.
23. I hate the rain.
24. I’m paranoid at times.
25. I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
26. I need money right now.
27. I love sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast.
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have long hair.
31. I have lost money in Las Vegas.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister.
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis.
35. I have a twin (or a triplet, or somesuch).
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.
37. I couldn’t survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look.
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.
40. I know how to cornrow.
41. I am usually pessimistic.
42. I have a lot of mood swings.
43. I think prostitution should be legalized.
44. I think Britney Spears is pretty.
45. Slept with a Suitemate.
46. I have a hidden talent.
47. I’m always hyper no matter how much sugar I have.
48. I have a lot of friends.
49. I am currently single.
50. I have pecked someone of the same sex. (given that pecked means kissed…)
51. I enjoy talking on the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
53. I love to shop.
54. I would rather shop than eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I’m bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders.
57. I’m obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.
58. I don’t hate anyone. I dislike them.
59. I’m a pretty good dancer
60. I don’t think Mike Tyson raped Desiree Washington.
61. I’m completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother.
62. I have a cell phone.
63. I believe in God.
64. I watch MTV on a daily basis.
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
66. I love drama. (Somebody else’s, not my own)
67. I have never been in a real relationship before.
68. I’ve rejected someone before.
69. I currently have a crush/like someone.
70. I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
71. I want to have children in the future.
72. I have changed a diaper before.
73. I’ve called the cops on a friend before.
74. I bite my nails.
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.
76. I’m not allergic to anything.
77. I have a lot to learn.
78. I have been with someone at least 10 years older or younger.
79. I plan on seeing Ice Cube’s newest “Friday” movie.
80. I am shy around the opposite sex.
81. I’m online 24/7, even as an away message.
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved.
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before.
84. I have made a move on a friend’s significant other or crush in the past.
85. I own the “South Park” movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work school to be on Xanga or Livejournal.
87. When I was a kid I played “the birds and the bees” with a neighbor or chum.
88. I enjoy some country music.
89. I would die for my best friends.
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I’m obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career.
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick’s “Children’s Story”.
96. Halloween is awesome because you get free candy.
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it.
98. I have dated a close friend’s ex.
99. I like surveys/memes. (Within reason)
100. I am happy at this moment.
101. I’m obsessed with guys.
102. I am bisexual.
103. Democrat.
104. Conservative Republican.
105. I am punk rockish.
106. I am preppy.
107. I go for older guys/girls, not younger
108. I study for tests most of the time.
109. I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met.
110. I can work on a car.
111. I love my job.
112. I am comfortable with who I am right now.
113. I have more than just my ears pierced. (Navel)
114. I walk barefoot wherever I can.
115. I have jumped off a bridge.
116. I love sea turtles.
117. I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.
118. I believe in prophetic dreams.
119. I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.
120. I am proficient on a musical instrument.
121. I worked at McDonald’s restaurant.
122. I hate office jobs.
123. I love sci-fi movies.
124. I’ve never been in love.
125. I think water rules.
126. I am going to college out of state.
127. I am adopted. (Foster Care-I'm glad none of the "parents" wanted to adopt)
128. I like sausage.
129. I am a pyro.
130. I love the Red Sox.
131. I have thrown up from crying too much.
132. I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.
133. I love kisses.
134. I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time.
135. I adore bright colors.
136. I love Dear Abby.
137. I can’t live without black eyeliner.
138. I think school is awesome.
139. I think pigtails serve a purpose.
140. I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.
141. I usually like covers better than originals.
142. I don’t like multi-textured ice cream
143. I think John Cusack is adorable.
144. I f**king hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.
145. I watch Food Network way too much.
146. I love coaching youth sports.
147. I can pick up things with my toes
148. I can’t whistle.
149. I can move my tounge in waves, much like a snakes’ slither.
150. I have ridden/owned a horse.
151. I still have every journal I’ve ever written in.
152. I can’t stick to a diet.
153. I talk in my sleep.
154. I noticed that 5, 13, 14, and 18 were missing. So, I looked for them. Since I couldn't find them, I invented them.

Dirty Little Secret

Copy of my conversation with my conscience this morning.

I have a dirty little secret. Shh, noone knows what it is.

Are you so sure?

Would you quit trying to twist my arm off?

Nope. I know all your secrets. Which one is bugging you now?

Fine. Have it your way. I am a smoker. (Wow, I feel liberated now :)

It is a bad, bad thing to do, you know.

Yes, I know. Cancer, emphysema, 7 minutes lost for every cigarette.

So, stop smoking. Simple.

But, what else would I do on my breaks at work?

Knit. Write. Crochet. Read. You just can't quit. You are addicted.

Wrong. I can quit anytime.

Prove it.

Fine, I will quit.

***Quitting may just kill me. But. I. Will. Succeed.

Code Amber

At CodeAmber.org, you can get the ticker that you see above. One of the best ideas that I've seen in a long, long while. President Bush did a grand thing by signing the Amber Alert Legislation into a national program.

Keep our children safe.

Romance and SF

Over at Squatting Rights, Wen Spencer's blog, she posted about the hard numbers of the percentages of Romance versus SF sales.

In my opinion, it isn't the lack of romance that keeps SF sales low. To me, it seems that the stereotype of SF readers/watchers has more to do with it. Even as an adult, I get sideways glances when I show off my latest SF purchase. But, I am a self-proclaimed geek.

I love math, science, logic, philosophy, anything that I can learn from. Science Fiction is inherently geared towards people who are science orientated. Even the most watered down SF is tinged with technology of the future, aliens, memes that just don't apply to the here and now. Many readers do not want to put in the effort to see the themes that lie under the surface. The gems of wisdom that do apply.

Basically, Romance as a genre appeals to more people, both women and men. Everyone can relate to a relationship gone sour. Everyone can remember how it felt to dream of going to the prom with the most beautiful, popular, wonderful girl in the whole school. Romance gives the everyday single mom/dad reader, who has gone through two divorces, the easiest escape. They don't have to think to relate to the story. The author lets the reader decide how much they want to think while reading. The hidden meanings are there to be found if chosen, but are not normally a requirement.

I love SF and I am starting to love Romance. For me, SF is a better, truer release from reality. But, I'm a strange cookie. Engrossing myself in a fun story that I can pry away meaning from is entertainment. I'm learning now that I can do that with Romance. Hence, my new affair with the genre.

Remember folks, reading is supposed to be entertainment.