Writer's Paradise

A writer dies and due to a bureaucratic snafu in the the afterworld, she is allowed to choose her own fate: heaven or hell for all eternity. Being a very shrewd dead person, she asks St. Peter for a tour of both. The first stop is hell where she sees rows and rows of writers sitting chained to desks in a room as hot as a thousand suns. Fire licks the writer's fingers as they try to work, demons whip their backs with chains. Your general hell scene.

"Wow, this sucks," quoth the writer. "Let's see some heaven."

In a moment, they were whisked to heaven and the writer saw rows androws of writers chained to desks in a room as hot as a thousand suns. Fire licks the writer's fingers as they try to work, demons whip their backs with chains. It looks and smells even worse than hell.

"What gives, Pete?" the writer asked. "This is worse than hell."

"Yes," St. Peter replied, "but here your work gets published."

From A Commonplace Book.

This Will Be Me

A prediction regarding Lady Luck and me.

There was once a young womman who, in her youth, professed a desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" she said:

"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, wail, howl in pain, desperation, and anger!"

She now works for Microsoft, writing Excel error messages.

From Spreadsheet Jokes.

Read This Then....

Buy Last Girl Dancing by Holly Lisle. I fell in love with her writing when I read Midnight Rain a while ago.

If you're a preview kind of person. Read a Chapter.

If only they would publish faster. I want more.

***Edit Note: Edited only to change time/date so that it will stay at the top! Stick. Darn It. Stick.***

***Edit Note: Updated books to buy sooooo no more need for a sticky post.***

Ban on Books

Does anyone remember the meaning of FREEDOM?

Alabama State Representative, Gerald Allen, tried to ban books by gay authors or books with gay characters.

Thankfully, not enough lawmakers were present at the time to vote. So, the bill was automatically dropped, for now.

Beware: Future rant will come when I am done hanging my gay pride flag and digging out gay pride jewelry. Watch out Small Town, Illinois. Here comes Pissed Off Dyke in all her flaming glory, chanting "I Will Survive..."

*Thanks PBW for the link.

In Response

Carter, I would love to join a group dedicated to keeping their noses out of other's business. What would I blog about though? (Glad you liked my poem ;)

Seriously, everyone voice your opinions. I may not change my mind, but I will consider it. America is based on freedom of speech. Go ahead, email me, comment. I'm not scared of criticism, debate, or communication. I suppose I should be happy these people are emailing me and not bashing someone in person.

Jess, btw, once you stop "practicing" being a lesbian, you become a full-fledged card-carrying dyke. The next step is Dyke. You don't know how many times I had to watch Rocky Horror Picture Show and hear Lola by The Kinks before I got enough holes punched to be able to capitalize that D.

Color Crazy

I have this baggie filled with slips of paper. I cut them out of newspapers, magazines, whatever my scissors can cut through. (No, stop thinking that. I am NOT a packrat!)

You see, my baggie is full of interesting words. I pull out a few and try to use the words that I find in as few words as I can. The only rules are 1) You must use all the words you pick and 2) You must make some kind of sense in sentence form.

It helps, um, well. It's fun goshbedarnedit. Today, I accidentally pulled out ten because of SSNs. Stinking Sticky Notes.

How many/few words would it take you to use Mr. Spock, black, white, blandness, steel, eyebrows, garnet, charcoal, wrinkles, and eight? Maybe I should count Mr. and Spock as two words instead of one?

"Steel gray is the color that reminds me most. Blandness was what we saw every day for eight years. Better than white, worse than black." Faint wrinkles appeared around Col's garnet eyes while his charcoal eyebrows tried their best to imitate Mr. Spock.
(42 words in 4 sentences)

What Happened?

On this Day:

• 1989-Chernobyl Nuclear Accident-was the worst accident in the history of nuclear power generation. 32 people were killed in the actual accident, more died later from radiation sickness and cancer. Wind-borne radioactive particles contaminated millions of acres of forest and farmland.
• 1886-Ma Rainey was born. Recording more than 90 songs with country blues musician and black jazz players, the "mother of the blues" is considered the first great black professional.
  
• 1865-John Wilkes Booth diedmerely twelve days after assasinating Abraham Lincoln.
• 1607-The first permanent settlers landed at Cape Henry and Chesapeake Bay. Those settlers later formed Jamestown, led by John Smith.

*courtesy of Encyclopaedia Britannica Online.

Brainteaser Numero Uno

A murderer is convicted. He gets his choice between three rooms.

1. A room full of raging fires.
2. A room full of assasins with loaded guns.
3. A room full of lions that haven't eaten in three years.

Which room is safest?

Say What You Mean!

When people name things, do they really try to confuse the heck out of us?

• Rare Red Coral of the Mediterranean is actuallyblue.
• Gray Whale is really black.
• Whalebone is baleen, more like fingernails than bone.
• Riptides are fast moving currents.
• That pretty Douglas fir christmas tree? Pine tree, not fir.
• Fish lovers beware. Atlantic salmon belongs to the trout family.

Free To Good Home

Basset Hound: Three years old. Well-behaved. Only chews up notecards that are in order, ready to start writing from. Likes to visit the local nursing homes for her extra petting requirements. Thinks a 65 pound dog is a lap dog.

Miniature dachshund: One year old. Will want to stay outside for hours. Will want to pee on your freshly mopped floors as soon as she has come in. Wakes up the master of the house with her cold, wet nose. On. The. Back. Of. Your. Neck.

Untitled and Unfinished

Deity of circumstance,
No single chance,
Of just one glance.

The Maker of Happiness,
Loves me I guess,
Very much less.

Lady of Love at her best,
Trods on me lest,
I find a nest.

Lords of above and below,
Faces aglow,
You do not show.

Whatever gods there may be,
Tis plain that me,
They do not see.

Religion And Me

To all those that email me:

Learning about different religions has always fascinated me. Yes, I believe there is a higher power. But, for all I know, it could be an alien race and we are a big science experiment. Do I think that's true, I dunno. Church, not for me. It'd probably be struck by lightning the moment I entered. In all seriousness, I've never had much to inspire faith happen.

I used to be very religious. I went to church. I prayed. A lot. I very much believed without question that God existed. But, when nothing gets better, even when you pray, pray and pray, you lose that unquestioning, unwavering faith.

I started questioning. Then, I found out that what I thought was normal kid life really wasn't. My parents had lied to me. So, I went to church. I talked to the pastor. I poured out all the soul that an eight-year-old has. I lost all faith from that conversation. It took years before I could even think about religion again. So pardon me for not being convinced by those emails.

• Telling me that I'm going to hell for being a practicing lesbian, won't scare me into going straight. Besides, I never practiced, I was.
  
• If I go to hell for having sex without the "benefit" of marriage, not my fault. I can't marry.
  
• Plus, would God really make me, just so that I could go to hell for how he made me? I won't start that conversation.
• I don't hurt anyone with my dykeness. Maybe, the focus should be on child molestors, murderers, and the people that commit real crimes that hurt people.

Happy Birthday

Another year behind me. And, one in front. Goals? Resolutions? Desires? Simply, I dunno.

My wonderful gf and kids got me If Angels Burn by Lynn Viehl. I fell in love with the story when I read it on her old website. It's even better now that I can put it on my bookshelves. (Not that it will reach there soon. Must. Read. Again.) The allusions to other vampire novels, people, myths, etc. drew me into it even more. I'm impatiently waiting for the next novel in the series. Signet move your rears and get the next ones out!

Short Review: Read it, loved it, wanted more of it.

Got an idea from it. Totally unreleated to the story, but suddenly got hit by an idea about how to finish Megan. While I let that stew, I wrote a scene from the other idea that I've been tossing around.

I also got The DaVinci Code by Dan Brown. I haven't finished it, but it is good so far. I'm fascinated by religions, symboloy, and cryptology.

Morbidly Funny

I've learned a new term today. One that I should have picked up on before asking the idiot's question. Redshirt* = disposable character using a name the author knows. How do I know this? From Tinker's Dam on the Baen WebBoard.

Does this mean that I can write my gf into my stories and get away with killing her off everytime? If so, I'm in trouble. You might see me in her next book with my brains splattered on the pavement. (Just joking, hun ;)

On a sidenote, I now have a new mission when I reread an old fav. Find the redshirts! Maybe I'll even put up a tagboard so everyone else can play.

Come out. Come out. Wherever you are!

*Redshirt is from the security guys that kept getting killed off in Star Trek.

Hoorah!

Finally, the lists are taking notice. Lynn Viehl, aka Paperback Writer, made the USA Today Bestseller List. Debuting at 148 is If Angels Burn. Maybe I will get a copy from my gf on Saturday for my birthday. I've been having to follow the no purchases rule for two whole months and it is driving my crazy. I feel like a kid on Christmas morning. The shiny paper and pretty, pretty ribbons have almost been too much this year! Why does it happen that the things I want to buy for myself normally get released during the no purchase time? The world must be against me. (See, paranoia. Told you I was going crazy. ;)

I Wish You Enough

I got a story in my email and started to bawl. It is a wonderfully written story about the things that should matter in life. I found out that "I Wish You Enough" was written by Bob Perks. I ranks right up there with The Notebook for the way it moves you and makes you reevaluate what matters.

Whew...

Writing: Outlining is going very well. I'm having fun shuffling things around. The notecard method from Holly Lisle is working wonders. It's better than playing poker. Now, if I can just stop moving the dang things around long enough, I might get started writing soon.

Web site design: Acceptable. The pages are done, but now I want to learn how to do external style sheets. That way when my worst half changes her *ahem* mind, I don't go crazy. I don't really like the graphics that I made, but she does.

Knitting: Going well. Still in my ADHD phase. Three different projects about 25% done on each.

All other life: Superbly. Kids are doing great. Dogs are behaving. Well, mostly. And work, that has been a bit hard lately. A few residents have passed that I had become attached to. What am I saying, it's hard whenever someone dies. More so when they do happen in groups though. Somewhat suprisingly, three catholics within days of the Pope's passing.

A Moment In My Life

The ants have taken up residence in my shorts. While busy outlining, editing, coding a website for my gf, and taking care of the kids all at once, I need to move.

So what do I do? Dumbass here decides to take a walk to the park with the kids. And the dogs.

3:30 I decide we should go for a walk

4:00 We head out the front door

4:02 "Are we there yet?" starts. Meanwhile, Butch, miniature dachshund, is pulling my shoulder out of it's socket and Princess, basset hound, is trying to sit down.

4:10 We reach Iron Mike, the antique water fountain. It has a spot for humans, dogs, and horses. We decide to pass it by.

4:11 We pass the Shell Gas Station. "I'm thirsty." is the new chant. Did I mention that the park we picked is across the town a little over a mile away from our house.

4:20 We reach the park. I send the kids to say hi to their grandparents since I have both dogs still. Said grandparents have 3 greyhounds. (Grandparents are across the street from the park)

4:22 The kids come back to the park.

4:40 One kid has been sitting behind the bench petting the dogs. The other took over a high spot to watch people flying kites. Neither has moved since arriving.

4:45 Round up the kids to go home. Still have both dogs. "But, we didn't get to play." starts being chanted. All the other moms quickly look down their nose at me when I say, "But, you've been here 25 minutes and have just sat like a lump on a log." I decide to hell with the supermoms and we go home anyway.

4:46 My youngest finally offers to take one of the dogs and promptly tries to get her run over. I take back the dog.

4:55 We pass Iron Mike again. Dogs get a drink. Momma gets a drink. Boys try to drink out of the part for horses. Both boys are now drenched and complaining.

5:10 This momma has successfully ignored all complaints on the way home without resorting to gagging her children.

5:12 Momma gets herself a LARGE ice cream cone for completing properly motherly duties. The darn laundry and dishes will just have to wait!

Sounding Horrible

I just read my previous post. I didn't mean to sound so, so, well, mean. But, poor folks gots to be edjumacated somehows an gets sum readin dun. I guess I really do feel partially the same way since I make it a point to replace those old worn out books first.

Maybe not so bad?

Paperback Writer has an interesting post about dollar stores and books. I have to admit that I do buy fiction books from the dollar store. Almost every time that I have bought one from the dollar store, I have ended up buying the author's other books.

I understand that this is your livelyhood, but to some, remainders are the only books they can afford. I know. I was there. When you go to buy a book and your determining factors are that is worth three hours of wiping asses, half the phone bill, or two pairs of jeans that fit your son, that nice new shiny hardcover becomes a little less appealing. When you are using a $50 gift certificate for your birthday and wishing it came from Walmart so that you could get food/clothes for the kiddies, that bargain bin of books at the bookstore looks a whole lot more enticing.

In fact, the obsession my oldest son is having with a particular series started with a book from the dollar store. A year later, he has the whole set and so do I.

Personally, this is not as tragic as another type of low-cost/no-cost book getting. You know who I am talking about. The ones that only own a phone book and some free pamphlets. They hound you to borrow your books and go to the library. But, not once have they ever handed over the almighty dollar to buy one.

For years, all I could afford was bargain bin or dollar store books. Now, it's a different story. While I cannot go out and buy a ton of brand new books, I can get two or three a month. I end up replacing my collection every couple of years due to wear. You don't know how many books I've read until they literally fall apart. Now, I'm starting to do this with all those books from the dollar store. I get to explore those worlds first opened up to me when I was poor. I get to buy the other books that I missed by those authors because I was broke.

I'm sorry if the authors that find themselves on a dollar store shelf find that a bad thing. Maybe more good has come from it than you realize. I have spent about $200 buying books from authors I first found at the dollar store/bargain bin. Last year alone. I might not have picked up their books had it not been for my lack of money combined with my passion for reading.

P.S.

I'm currently working on the Stories section and getting the BAMM links to buy her book.

Heather hides under the desk, pleading "Please don't shoot me because I used an amazon link."

Girlreader.com

Css? A breeze. 24 odd hours later and I'm done. Check it out, Girlreader.com.

Web Design........Again

Now I'm learning how to design a CSS template from scratch. Yahoozie! It's fun so far. I'll keep you updated.

P.S. The outlining is coming along nicely. I'm trying a new method for me and having a blast!

That Red Stuff

Today, I did something that everyone should. I was very happy to do this. The other times that this particular event came to town. I had to work. Since you shouldn't lift heavy objects afterword, I could never do it. Oh, my employers said "Go ahead. Just don't lift." A CNA not doing heavy lifting? Hah!

I donated blood.

Reasons why?

• Every two seconds an American needs blood. Imagine what it is like across the world. A hour of my life is nothing compared to those who are in the last hour of their life due to a blood shortage.
  
• Blood only has a shelf life of 42 days. You can only donate blood every 56 days. Do the math. There is always a shortage.
• Blood transfusion rates are climbing an average of 6% a year. We gotta keep up people!
• U.S. hospitals transfused almost 14 million units of whole blood in 2001. Not to mention red blood cell, platelet, fresh frozen plasma, and cryoprecipitate. Only about 15 million units of whole blood were collected that same year.
• Check out www.givelife.org for more information. (That's where these stats came from.)

Next on my list, apheresis to donate platelets. I am the polar opposite to a hemophiliac. I clot easily. It's nothing serious, but my doctor once recommended that I donate platelets regularly. Then, I can donate every three days up to 24 times a year. It takes longer, but who cares?

So what did you give of yourself today?

What? Huh?

If anyone sees my brain rolling around, please, let me know.

Muddling through work and home has been...indefinable (sp?). I've suddenly become aphasic at times. But, thankfully, it's just a side-effect that happens with my form of dyslexia. I also get the stutters at times. Yippee for me! Not to mention stress.

By the way, has anyone seen my brain lately?

What Was I Thinking?

The kids were asking me what I was doing last night. So, I told them that I was dreaming up ideas for a new story. All of the sudden, they barraged me with ideas. The main themes?

1. Yu-Gi-Oh
2. Dragonball
3. Bionicles
4. Harry Potter
5. Pendragon
6. Robots-both the movie and in general
   

I tried to explain to them about copywright. Their reaction? "You mean you're not good enough to write those?" and "But, why can't you be the coooooool mom?"

Off to start to try again. Minus the kids.